200 Greatest Movie Insults (in Two Parts)

Posted: 14th September 2014 by Jason Kristopher in Everything Else
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Insults are something we’ve all experienced at one point or another, and usually they’re not very pleasant. But in the movies, it’s a completely different story, and as a writer, I find a well-written insult extremely useful. As useful as threats, I’d say.

Here are some of my favorites, from a couple different Youtube videos. What are your favorites?

My favorites from the 1st video:

  • “I don’t like your jerk-off name, i don’t like your jerk-off face and i don’t like you. Jerk-off.”  — The Big Lebowski
  • “You know, in the short time we’ve been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick.”  — Witches of Eastwick
  • “You despise me, don’t you?”
    “Well, if I gave you any thought, I probably would.”  — Casablanca
  • “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”  — Billy Madison
  • “You climb obstacles like old people fuck, you know that, Private Pyle?”  — Full Metal Jacket
  • This one doubles as my favorite insult of all time, ever:  “Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”  — Christmas Vacation
  • “Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?”  — Anchorman

Part 2:

  • “Where you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?”  — Long Kiss Goodnight
  • “Hey, Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?”
    “No. Have you?”  — Aliens
  • “Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here.”
    “That’s all you got, lady. Two wrong feet in fucking ugly shoes.”  — Erin Brokovich
  • “Selveridge, you’d need three promotions to get to be an asshole.”  — Biloxi Blues
  • “You know what I’m going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.”  — The Ref
  • “You’re gonna pay full price rummy. I don’t believe in no serviceman’s discounts.”
    “Too bad, your old lady does.”   — Heartbreak Ridge

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